


A Snake in the Garden (rewritten)

by Lucifer111



Series: A Snake in the Garden [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, boop, snek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25216720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifer111/pseuds/Lucifer111
Summary: As of right now, 79% of Crowley’s impulse control was busy, due to this, Crowley saw no reason why he shouldn’t get himself a snake. Half an hour later he had a new snake son; of which he promptly named: Crowley Jr.a few weeks later, Crowley left on a business trip without telling Az... so he came to visitIt had been two days and he hadn’t heard a word from Crowley. The angel had tried to call the demon but to no avail. When he entered the demons flat he spotted a certain (non-demonic) snake, "Crowley? Is this why you’ve been acting strange?"
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: A Snake in the Garden [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826326
Comments: 13
Kudos: 70





	1. New Snek Son

**Author's Note:**

> This is a much better version of a fic I had written back in September 2019, I will be leaving that one up (it's the other work in the series) so we can both see the trainwreck that my writing style was and the (still a bit of a trainwreck) style that it is now
> 
> Hide: a small dark artificial cave (usually made of plastic) for the snake to /hide/ in.  
> Substrate: the stuff at the bottom of the enclosure, typically made of sand, woodchips, dirt, or sometimes stuff like newspaper.  
> (Crowley's big brain so he uses newspaper cause it's easier to clean and red-bellied black snakes are found near water so he won't be tracking mud)  
> Tag: when a snake goes to bite you but doesn't hold on, kinda like a love tap, it's typically meant as a warning.

**Crowley-**

It was a Tuesday afternoon just like any other, except, on this particular Tuesday evening a demon was about to come across a small family-owned pet shop. This wasn’t your ordinary demon, rather than tempting souls into Hell, his ideal afternoon was mildly inconveniencing everyone in his vicinity. 

_Why must everything be so boring?_ He internally groaned. But as he was about to snap himself somewhere more interesting, his eyes landed on a peculiar creature. Within the aforementioned pet shop resided a snake; a red-bellied black snake to be precise. One that looked strikingly similar to Crowley when he first roamed the garden of Eden, albeit a lot smaller. Said snake was currently sunbathing in his enclosure, perched directly next to the window. 

As of right now, 79% of Crowley’s impulse control was busy re-reading an original Shakespearean manuscript. Due to this, Crowley saw no reason why he shouldn’t get himself a snake. Half an hour later, he left with an enclosure, some toys, a hide, and a new snake son 1; of which he promptly named: Crowley Jr. 

When the demon stepped into his flat he quickly strode to the plant room. Within a snap, the enclosure was set up between two medium-sized ferns, toys and substrate in place. The terrarium itself was quite unusual, especially for a venomous snake. All of the glass was tinted and a gaping hole was left in the side. This of course, was to act, not as a cage, but a hide. Allowing Crowley Jr. free rein of the plant room.2 The plastic hide he had purchased was to be placed in whatever corner Crowley Jr. saw his favourite. 

The demon also intended to install ramps and shelves along the walls so the snake could reach wherever he pleased. Although he planned on letting him adjust first. 

Crowley gently opened the box housing the snake, said snake was currently trying (and failing) to climb out through the air holes.3 He held out a crooked finger to the snake, allowing him to scent the air. Crowley Jr. being the curious creature he was, just slithered over his hand and towards his new father's shoulder. 

“Right, well. My name is Crowley, you live here now. I don’t know how much you know but you're in London. This is my flat,” he stood, the snake now draped over his shoulders like a boa. “This is the plant room, I’ll be in here a lot to tend to everybody, but consider this room yours.” He continued to give the grand tour, one by one introducing him to the various rooms (and plants). 

Eventually, he circled back to the plant room. “I’m setting you down now,” Crowley gently picked the snake from his frame and placed him in a nearby pot that currently housed a small tree. “Let's try something real quick, I’m gonna ask you a question. This hand,” he laid down his right hand, palm up on the soil. “Means yes, and this hand,” he repeated the gesture with his left. “Means no. Get it?” Jr. slithered over to gently rest his head on Crowley’s right hand. “Right, good. Well, I’ll leave you to acquaint yourself with the plants, and if you find any leaf spots, let me know.” with that, the phone rang. “Probably just angel inviting me out for lunch tomorrow,” he muttered to himself, sauntering vaguely out of the room. 

The next day when he entered the room, he knocked. Slowly, he walked in. Looking around, he saw Jr. slithering out from one of the larger plants. “Well I’m gonna be waterin’ everybody,” Jr. slithered out a little further, asking to be picked up. Crowley obliged. 

Now, with Jr. sitting on Crowley’s shoulders, the demon went about caring for the plants; watering, repotting the ones who were due for it, and keeping a sharp eye for any leaf spots. He found one. A spot on the leaf of his favourite peace lily. She started to shake, but for once, he didn’t think he should yell. Crowley Jr. was still new here after all, he may be a demon but he didn’t want Jr. to feel scared of making mistakes.4 So for the first time in a while, he just sighed, feeling disappointed; and he told her as such. Then trimmed the damaged leaf and moved on. 

What most people don’t know, is that he would never dream of harming his plants. While he may drag them to another room and make scary noises, he never harms them. Crowley simply leaves them there, then when he has a moment, he plants the flower/hedge/tree what-be-it in st. James park; left there after a pat on the head and a ‘congratulations! You rebelled!’ He still visits them from time to time. 

Throughout the next few weeks, they developed a sort of routine. After Crowley woke up he would grab Jr. (apparently his favourite place to nap is on Crowley5) do whatever paperwork Hell had sent up that day, sometimes it was none, sometimes it took two hours, sometimes it was practically a journal entry. After that was done, do any other household things (truth be told there wasn’t much 6) then relax until Aziraphale called. So more often than not, the boys could be found talking and drinking just enough to be tipsy.

Although, this particular tangent was one better had wasted. “A-and he said! He said we were fRaTerNizInG! Can you believe that! I mean, he was the one to _tempt_ me to _oysters_ , oysters! And then! Then! I had saved him from the bastille! I- *hic* I practically _scream_ at him that I love him and he doesn't notice!” Crowley was currently laying in a bed of sunshine in his office, Jr. resting on his stomach.

“I don’t think I ever told you… Imma demon” He was starting to get sleepy at this point, his words slurring together. “Not the emo kind either, a real demon. I was there at the beginning, tempted Eve… I used to make stars, y'know. Beautiful nebulas, was good at it too. She always came to me for the big projects. Sometimes I couldn’t even wash the stardust from my hands before being pulled off to make another one.” a wave of nostalgic anguish passed over him. 

It was a familiar anger, he had only asked questions after all. But before the infamous negativity could consume his drunk mind, Crowley Jr. had slithered up his father's torso to touch his head to the tip of Crowley’s nose. A warm smile overtook his lips. He lifted his hand and gently scritched the top of Jr.’s snout.

For all the weeks that Jr. had been living at the flat, Crowley hadn’t told Aziraphale. He told himself that it just never came up; but if he were being honest, he was insecure about his newfound parental abilities. That’s why when Jr. began his first shed in Crowley's care, he was reasonably worried. Aziraphale had noticed too.

“Crowley my dear, what’s wrong?” The two celestial beings were currently on a walk in st. James park after a relaxing lunch at the Ritz. 

“Ngk, what do you mean angel? Nothings wrong,” _except that my son is practically blind and might bump into something sharp, or might be drying out, might even be-_

“Crowley, a man tripped over a duck and fell over the fence straight into the pond and you didn’t so much as a smirk.” The worried tone of voice had Crowley looking around; and there, in all his sopping glory, was a businessman looking utterly _done_ as he climbed back over the fence. For the first time in about eight days Crowley laughed, it was just a small chortal, but it did help ease Aziraphale’s worries. 

They continued their walk, doing an entire lap around the park before heading back to the bookshop. It was in said bookshop that the two stayed for the next hour or so before Crowley made up an excuse to leave. 

On his ride home, however, he received a message from Dagon. The gist of it being: get your ass to hell by tomorrow, we need to talk. The ‘we’ of course referencing Hell, not Dagon specifically. 

By the time Crowley had gotten back to the flat, Jr. had already shed most of his skin. Crowley had helped carefully remove his eye caps, adjusted the humidifier, and miracled another rock into Jr’s terrarium. 

“Jr?” he asked, the snake continued to slither into a nearby water dish before settling down facing the demon. “Hell called today, I need to go down there tomorrow.” Jr hissed defensively, based on how Crowley described it, it was the worst place in the universe. Jr. was nothing if not just as protective of his father as he was of his son. “Calm down,” Crowley jested, using a crooked finger to tap the underside of Jr’s chin. “It won't be for long, probably just a surprise meeting to ask about how much temping I’ve done. I’ll be sure to feed you before I go. I’m just sorry I won’t be around to finish your shed.” Now that Jr. could see properly Crowley was much less worried. Jr. did the snake equivalent of a sigh, then shifted in his water dish to take a nap. 

It was the morning of Crowley's departure, and the only reason Jr. wasn’t attempting to block the door was that he was too busy eating. “See you in a bit Jr,” he called out as he left the flat.

**Aziraphale-**

It had been two days and he hadn’t heard a word from Crowley. The angel had tried to call the demon, but to no avail. So Aziraphale decided to take it upon himself to check on him. He could be quite self-destructive at times. 

Walking into his home without permission seemed, _dirty_ , but he was worried and Crowly had been in the bookshop dozens of times before calling ahead so it should be fine.

The angel had never actually been inside of Crowley’s flat before, so the layout was unknown to him. Just as he walked in, the entry halfway lined sparsely with old paintings, he came across an office of some sort, although the room had little furniture, the throne was a statement in-it-of-itself. To the left was a room filled with all sorts of greenery. Aziraphale had known that Crowley raised plants but he didn’t know they were so vibrant. 

The walls were lined with ramps, shelves, and tunnels. On the floor, against the wall, was a strange, black, glass box with a hole on its side. _What on earth could that be for? Gardening tools?_ But before he could lift the lid to find out, a beautiful Black snake slithered out of the hole, presumably roused from sleep. Upon closer inspection, Aziraphale spotted flakes of skin littered around the room. 

Once the snake saw who was standing in front of it, it froze, but swiftly reared itself into a defensive position.

After a moment of observation, the gears clicked in Aziraphale’s head. “Crowley? Is this why you’ve been acting strange? You needed to shed?”

* * *

1\. Most snakes weren’t capable of any higher brain functions, however, Crowley expected his new son to be as intelligent as him, and so he was. return to text

2\. Technically the whole flat, but Crowley suspected he would claim the plant room as his favourite. return to text

3\. See the first footnote.return to text

4\. He may need to rethink his gardening technique. return to text

5\. Unbeknownst to Crowley, his inner Hellfire makes him quite warm to others, even if he himself is still coldblooded. return to text

6\. Plants didn’t need to be watered every day after all. return to text


	2. Aziraphale Comes to Visit

**Crowley Jr.-**

It was in the middle of his mid-afternoon nap that a knock resounded through the flat.  _ Was dad home? _ He heard someone enter his room just as he was roused enough from his sleep. Slithering out from his hide, he froze, that was  _ not _ his father. He reared up to tag the intruder, waiting for him to make the first move. 

“Crowley? Is this why you’ve been acting strange? You needed to shed?” Confused, he maintained his defensive position. The man seemed to realize something. “Oh! I’m terribly sorry, Is this a private affair? I apologize, I was so terribly worried about you. I did call. Though I suppose a snake can’t right well answer the phone.” the man continued to ramble, he mentioned something about ‘putting the kettle on’ and headed towards the kitchen. 

_ Why did that man call me Crowley? _ As his father told him early on, his name was Crowley Jr. if he was feeling fancy then Crowley the 2nd, but never  _ just _ Crowley. The man didn’t seem like a threat, I mean, why would someone break into your house just to make tea? Then a thought occurred to him:  _ Is this Angel? _

Crowley, while he talked about Aziraphale often, didn’t ever say his name; he was only ever referred to as angel. This led Jr. to two conclusions. 1) That was his name, and 2) they were forbidden lovers, hence why they were never introduced. 

With that thought in mind, Jr. slithered from his room to the kitchen. Angel was found easy enough, he was making use of the electric kettle his father had never touched, by the smell of it he was making something with a hint of lemon. 

_ I need to make sure this guy is worthy of  _ my  _ dad _ . Based on all the stories his dad had practically asked the guy out a hundred times over, and he barely acknowledged it!  _ Well, if he was going to be coming around more often, we’d better get to know each other. _ So Jr. had silently crept over to the man’s leg and started his climb, he barely got to the man's shin before he was spotted.

**Aziraphale-**

It was while the tea was brewing that he felt something wrap around his left leg. “Crowley! Again, terribly sorry. Would you like to rest on the counter?” Aziraphale reached down and slowly, as to give him time to pull away, and picked up Crowley. 

Strange thing though, when Aziraphale went to set him down, Crowley used his outstretched arm as an opportunity to lay around his neck. Slithering around his head so he was perched on the top of Aziraphale hair. “Al-Alright, I suppose.” there was an awkward silence; one Aziraphale found unsettling. 

When it came to Crowley there was always noise, be it a drunken ramble or music blasting from the speakers of the Bentley. Aziraphale had learned that the only time he was quiet was either when he was in deep contemplation, or severely distressed. 

“Crowley, dear, are you sure you’re alright?” the snake stayed where he was,  _ perhaps he can’t speak in this form, _ Aziraphale thought. Noticing his tea was sufficiently steeped, he disposed of the teabag and made his way, with Crowley in tow, to the sitting room. 

Crowley unfurled from the angel’s neck and settled into his lap, seemingly content to lay there. Aziraphale sipped his tea and thought. _Well, he isn’t angry at least. If he were…_ Now that he was thinking about it, Azariphale can't think of a single time Crowley was truly angry at him. During their ‘holy water argument’ he was more annoyed than angry; and nothing else had really come close to fighting in their six-thousand year history. Crowley was always so patient with him, more-so _sometimes_ more-so than head office.

Aziraphale pushed away those all too familiar thoughts. He’d had them since Noah, and since Noah, he’d been pushing them away for fear of falling. But those thoughts had shifted recently1 from a simple,  ‘well, he has a point’ to something more, urgent. It all started with that little demonic miracle. In the deep recesses of his mind Aziraphale knew what it was; and maybe, in the dead of night, while all of London was asleep he thought of what it might be like. To stroll through St. James hand in hand, to go to the Ritz and offer a bite to Crowley from his fork and have the demon accept with no hesitation, to read in the book shop with a certain red-head lying in his lap.

But he knew that, even if by some impossibility Crowley reciprocated, it would be too dangerous. For both of them. And so he suffered quietly. Hoping, but not praying, that Crowley never found ou-  _ That was it, wasn’t it. Why he’s been acting so strangely. It wasn’t the shed, he knows. He knows that I- that I. _

“Crowley dear, why don't you change form so we can talk about whatever's bothering you?” The snake didn’t move, but upon closer inspection, he had fallen asleep. 

After a quick internal debate, the angel decided it would be best to move him back to the plant room. Carefully, as to not disturb him, Aziraphale picked up Crowley and maneuvered him (with the use of a quick miracle) into the terrarium. He then went back to the sitting room, surprisingly he found an astronomy book in the office, so he settled down with that. Waiting for Crowley to wake up so they could talk.

  
  


As the hours stretched on, Aziraphale decided it might be a good idea to brush up on the habits of snakes. After struggling with the prospect of leaving Crowley to find a book, he realized that he could use Crowley’s phone. A quick perusal around the flat revealed that the phone was sitting on Crowley’s bedside table. 

Pressing the small button on the front, the screen lit up to display a rather fun picture of a duck wearing a tophat. Following the screen's instructions, he swiped, and the duck picture changed into a keypad. Knowing Crowley, Aziraphale tried the first thing that came to mind: 6666. It worked.

Somehow, he managed to get to the search engine and type in: How do I care for my snake while he’s in shed? The first link to pop up was a twelve-step guide (with pictures). The website was quite helpful and by the time Aziraphale had finished reading through it, and it’s comment section, the first tendrils of morning sun were peaking over the horizon. He figured that Crowley would sleep well into the morning, so he moved on to the next website, determined not to distress Crowley further.

By the time morning was in full swing, Aziraphale had devised a plan to get Crowley talking to him. He would garden. He might have been fascinated by the plants and animals when he first came to earth, but the angel had no clue how to properly take care of them. He figured, because the demon cared for his plants so much, when Aziraphale undoubtedly makes a mistake he would voice his distaste and they would go from there. The plan was foolproof.

* * *

1\. Recently for an immortal, afterall, what's fifty years against six thousand? return to text


	3. Big Gay^tm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry in advanced that this chapter's kinda short
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading and leaving such lovely comments! it actually makes my day  
> Please keep an eye out for the continuity errors or grammar mistakes so I can fix them

**Crowley Jr.-**

It was around midmorning when Jr. awoke. _ I wonder if Angel is still here? _ He thought sleepily as he slithered from his terrarium. Routine had him sauntering over to one of the various ramps that led to a shelf near the window, the shelf itself was positioned for the very purpose of allowing him to bask in the warm sunlight. 

But his midmorning bask was interrupted when Angel walked into the room. “Ah, Crowley, you're awake.” the man seemed to fidget with the ring on his pinky finger. “I was hoping you could shift forms so we could talk?” Of course, Jr. was unable to ‘shift forms’ so he stayed where he was. “Very well… Why don’t I water your plants?” that peaked Jr’s attention. “Would you like to supervise?” Angel asked, holding out a hand in an offer to be held. 

And that was how Jr. ended up draped around Angel's shoulders, gently nudging his cheek to let him know he had over watered the aloe. While the man set down the watering tin he seemed to come to a conclusion. “Crowley my dear, please talk to me. I’m dreadfully sorry if I’ve upset you, but isn’t it just a bit cruel to give me the silent treatment.” He unwrapped Jr. from his shoulders, holding the snake in front of his face. “Please Crowley, I- I couldn’t bear to not hear your voice again. I… I love you” the last part was barely a whisper, yet the demon behind him heard it all too well.

**Crowley-**

It had been about three days since he’d left for head office, but he can’t remember more than ten minutes of it. As Cowley walked through his entryway, much preferring the open space over the cramped corridors of Hell, he heard talking. 

As quietly as he could, he picked up a pot that had been left on the ground, then crept closer to the intruder. What he expected: a guy in a ski mask, Jr. managing to work his phone to play a video, leaving the tv on. What he  _ did not _ expect: Aziraphale, clutching his son, talking in a voice that portrayed how close he was to crying. “-your voice again. I… I love you” If anyone asked, his breath did not catch at the sight of his angel holding his son, and he definitely did  _ not _ drop the pot he was holding out of shock. 

Aziraphale whipped around at the sudden noise, his fright quickly melding into confusion. “But you- but he- what?”

“You love me?” Crowley couldn’t believe his ears, when did this happen? Before their arrangement? After? His brain was still processing all of this when Jr. had wriggled from Aziraphales grasp and over to Crowley. It was only when he nudged his father’s shin that Crowley bent down to pick him up. 

In an attempt to avoid embarrassment, Aziraphale changed the subject. “So who’s this?” 

“Ngk, um. This is Jr. my son,” from the shocked look on Zira’s face he elaborated “Adopted.” A silence filled the air, the tension so thick not even a flaming sword could cut it. 

**Aziraphale-**

“Look, Crowley, about what you heard… Well, I just- I’ll understand if you no longer wish to be friends.” Aziraphale saw a brief flash of rage in Crowley’s features and promptly cast his gaze to the floor.

“Not want to be- Aziraphale  _ you _ were the one that said I go too fast!”

“What?” It was clear there had been a miscommunication. 

“1967, you said I go too fast!” 

“My dear, what does your driving have anything to do with this?”

“......Do you mean to tell me, this whole time you were talking about my  _ driving _ ? Not anything else?” Aziraphale might not be the best at reading social cues, but he believed he was starting to catch up.

“Oh, Crowley no! I never meant- I mean it isn't safe to- but I would love to start something with you.” 

“Angel? Please say no, because if you say yes, I won't be able to stop. Can I kiss you?” 

“My dear, I would love nothing more.” 

Within an instant, Jr. had been set down, and Crowley had initiated the first of many  _ many _ kisses. Suffice it to say, they weren’t going anywhere for a while.

**Crowley Jr.-**

_ Wait, so they weren’t together for the past six thousand years? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *all the love and fluff and good vibes cause you people are like the one good thing about this year*

**Author's Note:**

> I crave constructive criticism so please bring it on!  
> If you find any grammar/spelling mistakes, continuity errors, or there's a sentence you had to read a few times to understand, please point it out!
> 
> thanks so much for reading!


End file.
